Many Pauses

If only I could remember to take my Ginkgo Biloba. 

It’s small comfort that I’m in such good company.  There must be millions of female baby boomers out there that, at least once each day, are certain to chant “now what was I thinking?”  Christina Northrup, M.D. addresses the problem in her book Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.  Her reassuring words speak to my fears.  “Many women describe a perimenopausal change in their thought processes.  This ‘fuzzy thinking’ is most commonly described as an inability to think straight, and is a normal development that is self-limiting.”   

I asked Rose, an eighty-three year old volunteer at my hospital about her feeling in this regard, hoping to hear that she had experienced a resolution of fuzzy thinking.  She replied “Well, I can’t really speak for myself, as I never did have a very good memory.  I remember a time in my twenties when I found myself standing in front of a freezer, holding an ironing board in my arm and wondering what the hell I was looking for.” 

As an emergency room nurse, I am comforted by my ingrained habit of practicing the 5 R’s (:right patient, right time, right drug, right dose, right route) and the team skills that are encouraged at my hospital, so you can all breathe easier about the prospect of needing emergency care from a fuzzy thinking RN.  I do, however, find it amusing when all three nurses on duty share my perimenopausal status.  We love to keep track of the number of times such phrases as “has anyone seen?.., now where did I?.., I just put it down and it disappeared…” are spoken.  We achieved an unofficial record on a recent busy day and it matched our average age. 

I recently asked my younger (but not by much) sister to look at a spot on my back that felt tender, one of those annoying places that are impossible to see in a mirror even with one’s best contortion, and tell me what she saw.   Her response was “ a weapon.”  Shocked by this report I said “a weapon?!?”.  She was surprised at the horrified and confused expression on my face and repeated “yes, it looks like a weapon”. Her facial expression conveyed her thought: “what’s your problem?”  It took some  investigation to discover that the word she intended  was “wound”. 

This exchange reminded her of a recent experience when she met a woman holding a rabbit.  My sister, a passionate animal lover, approached to pet the rabbit and attempted to make polite conversation. While stroking the soft fur, she said “Is it a puppy?”  the woman’s brow furrowed  and she appeared to be speechless.  After an awkward pause my sister said once again “is it a puppy?” As with our resolution, the rabbit owner and my sister eventually concluded that my sibling was expressing curiosity about the age of the rabbit in question and had meant to say “is it a bunny?” 

Ya gotta laugh. 

It seems to be a stage of Many Pauses.  We dial a number and when the receiver answers we ask “Who is this?”  We walk purposefully into a room and stop short, wondering what brings us here. The tip of the tongue becomes a crowded place when you search for the title of that great book or movie that you long to share, the name of the web site where you found that perfect jacket your boss simply must get for a niece’s graduation gift, your own telephone number or your children’s names. 

Life becomes suspenseful and challenging, to say the least.  I recall an adrenalin rush as I watched the garage door close as I realized the only opener was secured to the visor of the car inside. A friend confessed the embarrassment of calling mall security to report a missing car, having forgotten that she had relocated her car in the midst of a shopping day. She was convinced that her  careful memory markers of the first parking place were accurate, which they had been, prior to that “senior moment” which led her astray. 

It seems to me that this is a ripe opportunity for the inventive mind.  Millions of fuzzy thinking peri-menopausal female baby boomers are poised to spend their hard earned stock market winnings on just about any gadget that might help us.  I beseech you!  I promise that I will be scanning the Internet for your product… if only I can remember why I logged on……..